the story in my mind
i walk into a bar, meet my friends, exchange smiles and look as though we're the only beings there. he sees me, but i don't. not yet. he keeps on looking, hoping to catch my gaze. the waiter comes and i order a juice. then, i look around and sees him. and then... nothing. it's either i look away and pretend not to see him or, smile at him, looking genuinely surprised. which is better?
huh?! what the...?!
this is the part of me where i could just be corny and settle for soapy romance. and the funny thing is, none of these ever happens to me. at least not the way i play it on my mind. the reality is that, he never looks at my way. he is the fish that got away. i let him get away three years ago. and now the squares in my net are way too big to catch him. or anybody. they just slip through it no matter how much i try to ensnare them. our conversations begin with a "hi" and it stops there. it does not even pass for a conversation since nothing else has been said.
what's the best word to describe this? what does "pathetic" mean anyway?
if i could just put some label in my life then this would be the one that says "the next asian telenovela" in neon print. of course it would be a smash hit because i have the gift of weaving stories. my english teacher in junior high used to comment on my paper that i have "a way with words". now, however, it leaves me wondering which way these words are going. if i were to write a fairy tale it would be not such of a wonder if i entitle it, "After Happily Ever". because in the recent realities that i have encountered nothing ends happily ever after. that's the trouble with being stuck in fairy tales. you fall flat on the face after happily ever, if you know what i mean. the only tale that i believe has a bit of reality on it was that of Hans Christian Andersen's "Little Mermaid", where the little mermaid, in the end, slits her throat and jumps into the ocean. and died. now this was the original version. there was no marriage, no kissing, no pishposh, no dreamlike ending. she was brokenhearted, boy oh boy. being broken alone, is real.
however don't get the impression that i will do the same. niknak. i value my life, no matter how scarred i am. i break into pieces most of the time, but somehow, i still have the strength to bend over and put myself together no matter how slow i get up, and see how fast nimbus clouds gather to rain in me once and again. after all, i have my raincoat, and my superglue.
scarred people are beautiful.
the story in my mind. it changes and it never ends. but he is always there.
huh?! what the...?!
this is the part of me where i could just be corny and settle for soapy romance. and the funny thing is, none of these ever happens to me. at least not the way i play it on my mind. the reality is that, he never looks at my way. he is the fish that got away. i let him get away three years ago. and now the squares in my net are way too big to catch him. or anybody. they just slip through it no matter how much i try to ensnare them. our conversations begin with a "hi" and it stops there. it does not even pass for a conversation since nothing else has been said.
what's the best word to describe this? what does "pathetic" mean anyway?
if i could just put some label in my life then this would be the one that says "the next asian telenovela" in neon print. of course it would be a smash hit because i have the gift of weaving stories. my english teacher in junior high used to comment on my paper that i have "a way with words". now, however, it leaves me wondering which way these words are going. if i were to write a fairy tale it would be not such of a wonder if i entitle it, "After Happily Ever". because in the recent realities that i have encountered nothing ends happily ever after. that's the trouble with being stuck in fairy tales. you fall flat on the face after happily ever, if you know what i mean. the only tale that i believe has a bit of reality on it was that of Hans Christian Andersen's "Little Mermaid", where the little mermaid, in the end, slits her throat and jumps into the ocean. and died. now this was the original version. there was no marriage, no kissing, no pishposh, no dreamlike ending. she was brokenhearted, boy oh boy. being broken alone, is real.
however don't get the impression that i will do the same. niknak. i value my life, no matter how scarred i am. i break into pieces most of the time, but somehow, i still have the strength to bend over and put myself together no matter how slow i get up, and see how fast nimbus clouds gather to rain in me once and again. after all, i have my raincoat, and my superglue.
scarred people are beautiful.
the story in my mind. it changes and it never ends. but he is always there.
posted by novemberhaze at 10:30 AM
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